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My feelings, and How I’ve delt with them

     I finally seeing my anger dissipating, I had so much anger towards the man that carelessly broke my heart after he swore to me many times he wouldn’t.  I seem happier and I have a glow about myself, that doesn’t seem to dissapear even though I am sick.  I remember right after it happened I had so much anger in me, that I could imagine horrible things happening to him.  I know its not my place to judge its God’s but that didn’t stop my anger from feeling the way it did.  I listened to a lot of songs that delt with my anger and how I felt, and now I slowly see myself listening to more and more songs that deal with me and how I feel about myself.  I am not exactly proud that I fell for such a con-artist but I don’t beat myself in the least, not anymore.  It happened and through God’s amazing Grace I was saved from a terrible marriage… I know I mentioned that before but sometimes my anger still wants to reach out and slap him for running the day before the wedding.  Other times my heart aches that he ran, but I just remind myself I am loved by family and friends and I DON’T NEED HIM.  No I am not yelling thats just what I remind myself.  I learned to deal with it and bounce back quickly letting my heart heal and moving forward.

      The baby is eleven weeks and four days old, and tomorrow it will be five days old.  Oh how exciting it is to know that when I walk around I comfort that baby to sleep, and that even though my stomache hurts occaisionally and my sleep sucks, I toss and turn every night.  That in the end it is all very worth it.  I cannot wait till the twentieth I go see my midwife again, and hopefully my cold has cleared up by then otherwise she will have to prescribe medicine for me… I really don’t want to have to do that if I can avoid it.  I wish I could find a pregnancy chat room, somewhere, where I could talk to women and see how they handle what they are going through and if they are close to how far along I am.  But yet to no luck, I have no luck finding a good Christian based one.  Eventually I am going to feel that baby move and I will probably go crazy excited! lol!

     Sometimes I wonder how I am going to handle being a mother… it’s not an easy task and can sometimes take all your time away, but to know life is coming excites me and then scares me.  What if I screw up, do something wrong… common worries maybe I am not sure.  But either way I plan to take care of the baby and be the best kind of mother I can be.

     I guess maybe I worry to much.  Fear of doing whats wrong… having to fall to learn what to do right next time…  But I guess that’s where my favorite quote comes in “Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” Elenore Rosevelt.  🙂  I am trying to remember that now, to learn from others mistakes and know I can’t make them all myself, that’s why God gave me parents right? So I can learn from their mistakes, and know what not to do, or maybe what to do, cause sometimes a mistake can be the right thing.  🙂


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