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Today, Me, And The Shreemp.

     I have to say, life seems so amazing, since he left, and if he ever tried to talk to me, I’d have to tell him I have nothing to say to him except thank you.  I know a month ago I would of loved to have cut him down, now I just want to thank him. Thank him 

      I am excited to see so many of my friends so happy and in love, or married, its wonderful if you think about it!  But sometimes it depresses me to see so many of them happy.  But I remember theres God, my family, and friends who love me for now thats enough! 

      So, when I look in the mirrior I don’t really see a very pretty girl, or a beautiful girl.  I am not very comfortable with myself sometimes, and I don’t know what the guys in my neighborhood are staring at.  My parents and friends all say I am a very pretty girl or are very beautiful but, I don’t see it.  I know I should think a little bit more highly of myself, but how can I when I don’t feel it?  When I look in the mirrior and I just see me, nothing special about myself.  I think maybe the only pretty thing I see is my eyes, it’s like there is endless joy hiding in them, even though they cry sometimes more than I am used to them crying. 

        Today I have my appointment with my midwife I hope that goes well considering it’s my second appointment, and I really want to know if the baby is ok.  I want another ultrasound I want to hear that baby’s heart again! So I am way too excited!  I know I am still freaking out, watching my weight go up, after I worked hard to lose 65 pounds! and now I am going to gain half of that back! lol.  But Hey it won’t be hard to lose it considering I take care of myself! I continue to work out, and I will continue even after that baby is born.  I want that baby to have a very healthy mother, whom it will have to take care of it.  Ok so I have been asked by people if I planned to breastfeed, and I shocked a lot especially my midwife when I said yes.  I guess because most people would rather stick a bottle in the baby’s mouth than take the time to bond with the baby by breastfeeding it.   I know some people feel it means your spoiling the child, but call me old fashioned! It’s not it is actually better to breastfeed the baby it helps with so many things that regular formula cannot do.  I don’t bash anyone who would rather feed their child formula, that’s your own choice, but like I don’t bash you, they shouldn’t in turn bash us for wanting to feed our child by what God actually gave us breast for.  Oh and then my mom and dad have this dissagreement on cloth diapers.  I have no idea what I want to use, regular or cloth, and its funny to listen to them talk about it, she is for them, he isn’t. lol! They don’t argue but it is deffinetly something I have to decide on and I have no idea yet, the baby is only 12 weeks old in my tummy! How can I decide if I am not even far enough to know what colors I want to paint the nursery? LOL!  Oh and then at 20 weeks which is 8 weeks away, I get the choice of knowing the sex of the baby, and I do, but don’t really want to know what the sex of the baby is.  I think maybe I will wait until it is born to see, but then… (See endless confusion in my brain, and it is not just because I am pregnant I am typically confused a lot lol!)

     Now that I am pregnant, I am even more clutsy, even more confuzzled(confused), and I get even more forgetful than normal! It’s not fair, my life is already confusing as is and now I add more because I am carrying a shrimp(that’s about the size of it right now :P).  I usually call it my little shreemp its my little nickname for it.  It used to be Feeshy(fishy) but as it grew I changed its name.  I love my little shreemp though, I cannot wait till I get to hold that cute little bundle of joy.   Yes I know it will cry, and it will need to be held a lot and it will sleep a lot, and eat, and poop, and sleep some more, but that’s one of the joys of being a mother lack of sleep :P.


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