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All The Things I Am Thankful For

I know this is really late, and all that, but I wanted to post all 30 of the things I am thankful for this month.

1. God, He is truely amazing because no matter what, even when someone leaves or you stray unintentionally or you sin, or you fall, He still loves you.

2. My family, they have really been supportive and loving through the entire process of having that man leave me standing at the alter.

3. My sister even though she doesn’t understand all of what I have gone through she still loves me and she wants so dearly to be included in all that I do.

4. My friends they have all been there for me, even though I think so little of myself they are very encouraging.

5. My mom, because even though I pushed her away when he was in my life, she still loves me and is very helpful with all of my concerns about the baby.

6. My dad, he is the best I could ever ask for, I am daddy’s little girl, and he only wants what is best for me and Ethan.

7. My beautiful 24 week old son, I know right now he is in my tummy, but I love him dearly and he is giving me such great joy.

8. My midwife, she is so wonderful, and ever so encouraging that the baby is healthy and normal, and that I am doing fine.

9. My dog Reese’s (Yes I am being thankful for my dog) She is there for me even when no one else is and it feels nice to have a companion.

10. I am thankful to be alive, and healthy, strong, so that Ethan won’t have a weak mother.

11. I am thankful mom gets to get her epidural, and that it might cure some of the pain she is under after the car wreck.

12. I am thankful that there are soldiers out there willing to fight for our country, they risk their lives everyday to make sure America is safe.

13. I am thankful that I have finally been able to read my Bible again, and not cry or beat myself up about what happened.

14. I am thankful for the beauty God has given us, if we stop and take a look around we can see how truely amazing the world is.

15. I am thankful that the man I was supposed to marry left, because he did not love me like he claimed, he let family come before me, and that’s not husband matterial.

16. I am thankful that I got to go see my cousins wedding and see her be happy, and so in love with her husband.

17. I am thankful everyday that my family is safe, and that we have a roof to live under and food to eat.

18. I am thankful that for the love I see around me, through my parents, and my grandparents.

19. I am thankful that I am loved, and cared for.

20. I am thankful that my sister is doing well in school, and making amazing progress.

21. I am thankful that I am finally able to drink water, after having such a hard time handling the way it was making me feel.

22. I am thankful that Ethan moves so much it is so exciting to feel him move around and kick me.

23. I am thankful that my sister is excited about having a baby in the house.

24. I am thankful that I have almost made it through another year, and have continued to take care of myself and try to better myself.

25. I am thankful that I am getting to spend this wonderful day with my family, and enjoy the meal that everyone has taken such time to prepare, even though it only lasts for twenty minutes.

26. I am thankful that soon I will be a mother, and that I am finally growing close to my little sister.

27. I am thankful that even though I don’t have a lot of real life friends, I do have a lot of online friends that care about me, and try to be there for me.

28. I am thankful I have been given an opportunity to make things better for Ethan, and to raise him according to God’s standards, and not society’s.

29. I am thankful that my parents love eachother and care so much for eachother.

30. I am thankful for the wonderful month that has been given to me, and I hope and pray that next month is even more wonderful.

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My body, My Mind, Ect.

          For starts, I have never really had a really high selfesteem about myself, I used to at least think I was pretty, but now I look in the mirrior and see a disgraceful, shameful, unworthy person, and sad as it all sounds, it is true. I don’t feel I am worth much at all but here I am fixin to be a mother of a baby, and I think so badly of myself… After the pain of what I have gone through and how my ex fiance made me feel about myself what little selfesteem I had is now gone, I don’t even see a pretty girl anymore I just see a face… Why is it we as women beat our selves up so harshly?  We tend to pick out our worste features of our bodies, and then beat ourselves up.  I used to weigh 190 pounds, I worked really hard and lost 63 pounds I weighed in at 127 before I got pregnant, and I am working hard to tone up my entire body, eat right, drink plenty of water, and all around take care of myself and my baby.  But somehow it just doesn’t seem to make me feel any better about myself… My stomache is my area I wish I could change but people look at me and say I am practicly flat… So why, why do we choose as women to beat ourselves up?  The media does not in any way help how we feel about ourselves, showing these perfect women skinny to the core, no fat, stretch marks, saggy skin, nothing! not a flaw on them, but is it really?  We have no idea what they look like behind closed doors, or how badly they feel about themselves.  The media airbrushes their images making them look perfect, and to us only making us feel even more ashamed of ourselves.  Another bad place that they make us feel bad is when we get pregnant oh they show the perfect imaged celebrities pregnant, perfectly skinny smiling with that baby bump, and then they show after pictures of how flat they are after pregnancy, and I know that a lot of women out there wish they could be that way.  But yet when we aren’t, even when we know they are airbrushed, or they have had tummy tucks and all sorts of surgeries to keep the what society pegs as the perfect body image, we beat ourselves up even more, blaming our eating, our lack of exercise, it ranges with each woman, and it damages what low selfesteem we may already have about ourselves.  It’s really not easy when each woman has gone through anything ranging from losing weight, abuse(from anywhere, and any form), health problems making it much harder for them to lose what weight they have gained from being unable to work out, eating disorders, and here it ranges just as wide…  We as women need to stand up for ourselves, its not easy! And I am just as guilty, I am even going to comment on my own post just so that it has been started and people can see that even a soon to be mother has her own issues.  I know what preassure we are constantly under, from family, friends, the media, society, ourselves(the biggest and hardest one to manage).  We should think better of ourselves, specially when we are pregnant, our bodies are changing, and our stretch marks, or loose skin is all for the sake of bringing a beautiful baby into this world!  So why should we beat ourselves up over the fact that we won’t be flat anymore?  Or won’t have the perfect bodies, no one can be perfect, so then why do we try?

       I have two challenges I want to post here and have people leave comments on, this challenge is not just for women so if your a man and want to post please feel free.

Challenge number 1.  What are some of things that you really wish you could change about yourselves?

Challenge number 2.  What is the thing/things you love most about yourself?

Spoonk Space Accupressure Giveaway

The Modest Mom is giving away an Accupressure mat from Spoonk Space.  This contest ends at midnight tonight. I think this mat would benefit many of us.  Good luck to any and all who enter.

Moby Wrap Giveaway

The Modest Mom is giving away a Moby Wrap.  The contest ends tonight at midnight, sorry for such a late post about it.  I just found out about this giveaway myself.  I wish everyone luck in winning this great wrap.

The Baby And I, In The Begining of November

I know it has been a while since I last posted but I have been working on healing and dealing with having been in a hit and run.  The baby is fine, and so is my family which is wonderful, our car has some damage too it, which isn’t bad.  Today I had my 20 week ultra sound and I found out that I am having a wonderful baby boy!  He was healthy and everything looked good, which I was so happy about.  It took me a while to decide if I want to find out or not, and I figured it would be better to find out now then to wait until it was born.  I was a little dissapointed that it was a boy, considering I wanted a girl, but I couldn’t be happier with my little son, he will be brought up for the Lord, and will be a real gentleman.   The boy is very healthy and a very active little thing, I feel him move a lot and he has been moving around and kicking me since I was 16 1/2 weeks a long, granite I am a very skinny girl, healthy but skinny, I ain’t showing majorly but I am showing a bit, so it just looks a bit like I’ve gained some weight.  But it’s really baby.  I have been eating extremely healthy and working very hard to stay active maybe that is why the boy is so active.  😀

      I know that it has been a while since my ex fiance took off, but I still need time to heal, it’s a pain because I want to be loved again, and I want to have someone wrap their arms around me and tell me they love me.  But maybe it’s better that I am having to wait… When I talk to my mom she says I am still healing and that it will happen when the time is right and I am ready for it… But… Sometimes I wish I was ready now I wish that the man of my dreams would come into my life right now and sweep me off my feet.  But eventually he will and I will be ready for him when he does. 

~♥~
I want a love that’s true and dear
One that is really sincere
Maybe it’s just a hopeful dream
Sometimes it so may seem
…But if I wait long enough
That love will come
Through the storm
And shine a light
On this dreary night.
~♥~

If only things worked quickly like we want them too.  I did have fun on halloween I dressed up as a neko, a role play character of mine, and went out with my friend, and my little sister to take her trick or treating.  It was her first time trick or treating and she had a blast!  Another one of my friends lost my trust… she majorly did a big no no, she told something really private and personal off to her boyfriend and her friends after she promised she wouldn’t I used to trust her but now… it makes me wonder why I trusted her so deeply.  

I got a new dog her name is Reeses like the candy, she is a baby Chihuahua and she is the sweetest girl ever, she is really protective of my stomache and I think it’s cute.  I had to get rid of my other dog, Vanilla because she was such a big dog, and because of that, and her jumping up, we were afraid she would hurt my mom whom is dissabled or the baby and I.  But she was the sweetest baby girl you had ever met, and now she is living it up in a home in Florida. 

I get to go to my cousins wedding in a few days, and oh how that makes me so jelous to see her happy after what I have been through.  Heck it makes me jelous to see my parents show eachother affection but my time will come right? Maybe? Someday?  *cries* I just don’t understand why I had to go through what I went through and why the guy I had fallen in love with was not the same guy that walked out of here that day.  But I guess and I know it wasn’t ment for us to get married but its still hard to watch couples and friends whom now have relationships while I am sitting her without one… My heart has healed a lot and I do not want him back in any way shape or form… But it still doesn’t stop how much I wish I had someone loving on me again, and this time truely mean it and not just say it and run when things get hard, that’s not a man its a pussy!