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The Baby And I, In The Begining of November

I know it has been a while since I last posted but I have been working on healing and dealing with having been in a hit and run.  The baby is fine, and so is my family which is wonderful, our car has some damage too it, which isn’t bad.  Today I had my 20 week ultra sound and I found out that I am having a wonderful baby boy!  He was healthy and everything looked good, which I was so happy about.  It took me a while to decide if I want to find out or not, and I figured it would be better to find out now then to wait until it was born.  I was a little dissapointed that it was a boy, considering I wanted a girl, but I couldn’t be happier with my little son, he will be brought up for the Lord, and will be a real gentleman.   The boy is very healthy and a very active little thing, I feel him move a lot and he has been moving around and kicking me since I was 16 1/2 weeks a long, granite I am a very skinny girl, healthy but skinny, I ain’t showing majorly but I am showing a bit, so it just looks a bit like I’ve gained some weight.  But it’s really baby.  I have been eating extremely healthy and working very hard to stay active maybe that is why the boy is so active.  😀

      I know that it has been a while since my ex fiance took off, but I still need time to heal, it’s a pain because I want to be loved again, and I want to have someone wrap their arms around me and tell me they love me.  But maybe it’s better that I am having to wait… When I talk to my mom she says I am still healing and that it will happen when the time is right and I am ready for it… But… Sometimes I wish I was ready now I wish that the man of my dreams would come into my life right now and sweep me off my feet.  But eventually he will and I will be ready for him when he does. 

I want a love that’s true and dear
One that is really sincere
Maybe it’s just a hopeful dream
Sometimes it so may seem
…But if I wait long enough
That love will come
Through the storm
And shine a light
On this dreary night.

If only things worked quickly like we want them too.  I did have fun on halloween I dressed up as a neko, a role play character of mine, and went out with my friend, and my little sister to take her trick or treating.  It was her first time trick or treating and she had a blast!  Another one of my friends lost my trust… she majorly did a big no no, she told something really private and personal off to her boyfriend and her friends after she promised she wouldn’t I used to trust her but now… it makes me wonder why I trusted her so deeply.  

I got a new dog her name is Reeses like the candy, she is a baby Chihuahua and she is the sweetest girl ever, she is really protective of my stomache and I think it’s cute.  I had to get rid of my other dog, Vanilla because she was such a big dog, and because of that, and her jumping up, we were afraid she would hurt my mom whom is dissabled or the baby and I.  But she was the sweetest baby girl you had ever met, and now she is living it up in a home in Florida. 

I get to go to my cousins wedding in a few days, and oh how that makes me so jelous to see her happy after what I have been through.  Heck it makes me jelous to see my parents show eachother affection but my time will come right? Maybe? Someday?  *cries* I just don’t understand why I had to go through what I went through and why the guy I had fallen in love with was not the same guy that walked out of here that day.  But I guess and I know it wasn’t ment for us to get married but its still hard to watch couples and friends whom now have relationships while I am sitting her without one… My heart has healed a lot and I do not want him back in any way shape or form… But it still doesn’t stop how much I wish I had someone loving on me again, and this time truely mean it and not just say it and run when things get hard, that’s not a man its a pussy!


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